Going home

Dear Courtney

You had such a difficult night last night. The nurses woke me up at 5 am and told me that you’d been awake and screaming since 1am. They eventually managed to calm you down by carrying you on one of the ladies backs. But you didn’t want to sleep. As a result you have not been a very happy baby today!

Anyway, this morning the paediatrician came and did his final check-up on you and told me that everything is on order. You have a clean bill of health. He was trying very hard to find some jaundice due to you being so small, but no luck.

After the paediatrician came to see you, I’d just managed to get you back to sleep and settled down and then they told me to take you for your TB injection. So then you were awake and screaming all over again. I was so irritated!

I think all the emotions of the past few days just came to me at once as I was waiting for someone to come and fetch us. I just sobbed uncontrollably for about 5 minutes. One of the nurses came and gave me a big hug, so then at least I felt a little bit better.

Your granny and your daddy came to take us home. We put you in your car seat – shame, you look so small inside it!!!!

When we got home I fed you and you catapulted all your milk in this fountain like nothing I have ever seen across the whole couch!! It was so funny. Your daddy and I just looked at each other and then burst out laughing. It was very sore to laugh like that, but it was much needed.

In the afternoon your grandad came to visit. He drove all the way in his car to come and see you. You have no idea how big this is!

After they left your granny arrived with Diane. It seems like over the next few days we are going to have a lot of visitors. Everyone is dying to see you.

You are now sleeping and we are trying to start settling into a nice routine as a new family. I am in a lot of pain and it’s really getting me down because there’s a lot that I’m battling to do and I feel like I’m not being a very good mommy to you as I cannot get to you quick enough when you need me. I can’t wait for the pain to go away and I’m truly sorry if it’s taking me a while to come and cuddle you when you need it.